Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
