did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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