So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
