I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Someone came in the potted fern
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
