Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
