Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everclear isn't food dammit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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