so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
