question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
