I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
