well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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