South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
