so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
