I cannot find my penis.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
