We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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