just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mom said you looked used
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
