no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
