Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
