Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
