he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
