Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My vagina is officially offended.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
