True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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