I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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