Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
