im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
