And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
