There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
