Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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