I'm really into asian looking animals
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
