awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
