Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
