Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
