u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
