Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize