my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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