if i can run in heels then i can drive
Soap is not a condiment
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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