Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
