Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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