the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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