he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize