and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
