The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
