Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
