and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
