So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
