I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
