proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
