Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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