I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
