She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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