can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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