She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm both gender and math confused
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
