If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
