i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
