she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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