The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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