I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
