i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
