does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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