Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
