Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
