Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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