im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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