I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
