I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
