My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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