he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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