One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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