im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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