just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
