I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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