she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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