Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
