JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this beer tastes like vomit already
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
