i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
