Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
