After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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