i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
