Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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